In Japan, it’s called “culture.” Staying at work until late at night (or early in the morning) without overtime pay. Maintaining perfect deference to your superiors even as they bully and abuse you. Basically perfecting the art of denying yourself a lot–even healthy things.
So why are some foreigners so eager to fit into this culture?
“We’re full of self-loathing,” an American colleague once remarked at the lunch table. I had come to suspect the same thing. Maybe there was something about Japanese culture that appealed to us codependent types.
Only, as I had discovered, it was difficult for someone from a Christian background to sink to the depths of self-abandonment the Japanese were capable of. My self-loathing had limits, and when I reached them, I would direct my anger outward at whoever it was who was currently making my life difficult.
Perhaps only the Japanese could have pushed me to my breaking point, and perhaps that needed to be done in order to wake me up to my own expectations of how people should treat me.
Interestingly, I think it was beginning to realize this–that there was some part of me, deep inside, that would not accept the erasure of my healthy sense of self-assertion–that cured me of my desire to assimilate into Japanese culture. As the Church would say, I became aware that I believed in my own dignity as a human being.
After returning to the Church, though, I would eventually learn that anger–whether directed inward or outward–was not something to aspire to. And so, after praying many novenas to Mary, Untier of Knots, and slowly becoming aware of my issues, I’ve embarked on a journey of learning to be assertive–changing the things I can and accepting the things I can’t, as the prayer goes.